Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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