i think i have herpe
just one?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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