Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
