Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
