i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
