So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
