Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
