what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
