Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
