Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
high people should be assigned attendants
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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