Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
