Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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