And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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