How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
