There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
