Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I fill condoms, not promises.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
