i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
