can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
