i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
