exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize