I think I won the penis lottery.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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