He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
