dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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