We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
