I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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