Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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