dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
