My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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