u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
