He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
