i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
what day is it and did you see me today?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
