I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
