idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
