Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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