I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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