The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
