What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
