i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Randomize
