How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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