i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
