I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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