Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
