I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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