Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
