Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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