I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
