Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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