3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
