just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
