I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
