Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I think I won the penis lottery.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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