i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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