This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
