Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
