just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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