Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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