I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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