Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
