Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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