well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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