i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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