Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
