It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
