i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
