you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
