i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
