hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
