I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
cat food counts as protein by the way
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
