even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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