I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
