i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
